YouTube link [timestamped]
Hangman: Welcome everybody to Hangman Gets Drunk and Lives in the Woods. I have been excelling at both those things today, and it's about time to hunker down for the night. But first I wanted to tell you about something that happened to me earlier today. So, I just climbed the big red oak that's around the corner from my shittin' hole, and opened up my last bottle of whiskey when I heard what sounded like a miniature tornado spinning right past my ear. But it wasn't a tornado, obviously. It was a god-dang bald eagle, landing in her nest about 30 feet away from me in the elm to my left. So I took the first swig of my last bottle of whiskey, and watched this eagle settle down in her nest. And I couldn't help but have the feeling that maybe I should go home. [pause] Maybe I should go home. [pause] I don't know. The thought itself ballooned inside my brain like a malignant tumor: uninvited, unwelcome, but growing just the same. I mean, honestly, it'd be ridiculous to go home right now, because out here I can't get infected, I can't infect anyone else...[pause] I mean, we're all in this together, right? It's not just some kumbayah platitude regurgitated over a soft melody during a Subaru Forester commercial. It's a biological reality of an exponentially spreading, infectious disease. And it feels irresponsible to go back to my house. I mean, even now. I would never know if I overreacted, coming out here to live. But I'd forever live with the pain of knowing I didn't do enough. And to be honest, I've kind of been enjoying living out here. I mean, I've got good company...[pause] I mean, I know you can't see them, right now, but they're everywhere. It's not just people, either. Two days ago, I swear, a raven winked at me. [pause] But anyway, as I sat there, and I watched this eagle start preening her tail feathers there in the nest, part of me still thought it: [sarcastically] maybe I should go home. I don't know, why did I think that in the first place, honestly? [pause] I mean, it feels selfish [laughs] but there's a large part of me that wants to march right back up the front step and slip off my boots, let 'em dry and stumble right through the front door with a sheepish grin, hoping that no one had noticed I had even left in the first place. And as nice as it has been out here, truthfully the past couple of months has left me feeling pretty damn worthless. I mean, I used to know more. But living in a house is kinda all I understand now. And maybe most selfishly, I feel like I wanna go back home because I was on the run of my life in that house. [pause] I mean, I was learning to eat, I don't know, as much toast as I wanted, fresh from our Russell Hobbs glass [???] toaster. I nearly won the prestigious [makes air quotes] Man of the House Award in May, I teamed up with our broom to clean the house better than anyone had ever swept before. And I feel like I might have been starting to patch up the holes in the walls of the house. The walls that made the house what it was in the first place. I mean, everyone would loving [sic] it, what I was doing there in the house, and it made me feel more validated than I ever felt in my life. And I felt like maybe I was on my way back winning Man of the House Award, the thing I promised to win on day one. But I'll never get that momentum back. I mean, does momentum even exist in a house that's empty? [pause] I don't know, maybe I'm just a fucking brat, really. I mean, it seems unfair that I've gotten to live out this [makes air quotes] Snow White woodland fantasy, while Cynthia from FoodLine has to go back to her apartment every morning. [pause] I mean, am I the bad guy here? Either way I look at it, I'm the bad guy in my own drunken monologue in the woods. I mean, maybe that's just the way the world has conditioned me to think when honestly the choice was never mine to begin with. [pause] I don't know. All I know, is that I can't shake the feeling that the world is about to fuck me dry one more time. And for the first time ever, I have gotten the chance to put on lipstick first. I mean, I need to go back home, I know I need to go back home. Home is still there. I got bills to pay, mortgage to pay. But honestly, what I wanna do is climb back on my horse and ride off into the sunset and just say 'to hell with it'. I don't know, maybe this little rant is kind of all I've got left. [pause] Just throwing my leg over a saddle with a broken tree, kickin' a horse I know has long been dead, and the horse just collapses. And I'm sitting right here in the same spot, thinking 'why'd I wanna go home in the first place?'. Maybe it was the eagle, coming back home to her nest that made me think it, or maybe it's just because I'm out of whiskey.
Home/house = AEW
Man of the House = AEW World Champion
Broom = Kenny
Walls of the house = the Elite